Last week I had to lean on my support system. I was tired...mentally. I couldn't describe it but I had to allow myself to be vulnerable (again) and communicate my needs. Every time I opened up to someone, the load got lighter and the burden became easier. Right away peace started to settle in and I slowly but surely surrendered. I admitted this felt too heavy...my spirit, and mind was overwhelmed. I'm not gone lie...I seriously folded forreal. 🤷🏾♀️😫
Being tough is soooo overrated ya'll. Despite how necessary I know it is, I struggle with nakedness. I literally was suffering in silence all for the sake of "being strong". Girl can we please leave having to be super strong in 2020? Tell God when you're weak, so you can grab hold of some of His perfect strength.
So since, Rona rude self has been on the block, I've become more intentional about laying eyes on my friends and family via video calls. But, in the midst of laying eyes on everyone else, I forgot to remind myself that sometimes you have to let people lay eyes on you even if it means allowing them to see you with tears in your eyes. #vulnerability
As a result of me letting my guards down, I was able to experience something that brightened up my whooole day. I video chatted with my home girl Lin, CEO of MommiCircle (Follow her IG). When she picked up, her twin toddlers were on the call greeting me. Lin had her Angela Davis hairdo going on. (Side note, rather the hair was intentional or not, it was a whole mood y'all #naturalgirlchronicles). But seriously, checking in briefly, seeing their faces, and with all the "Hi's" brought so much joy to me. It was indescribable, but it blessed my soul tremendously. What I thought would be just a quick "hey" was a quick help 🙌🏾 #gratitude
The next day, I texted my Bishop and let him know it was a much needed mental health day. (As a leader I still present to church to help practicipate in our online broadcast. #socialdistancing). In addition to my needs, I desired to be home to spend time with Husbae. He lost one of his childhood friends following a battle with COVID-19. My leader was extremely supportive. That conversation led to further peace and confirmation that I need to stay the course but practice selfcare.
Lesson learned- Sometimes you have to stop focusing on being so strong and start focusing on being sane. Your sanity is your strength. That sanity can be cultivated by your surrender/ ability to be vulnerable.